Sick.

Dear Scarlett,

I took you to the doctors this week for your 9 month appointment. The doctor spoke of how amazed he was about your standing abilities. You stand by yourself for 10 or so seconds at a time. He said you are very healthy! But I remember one time when you weren't so healthy...

 I was thinking about the time that you got very sick. It was a time I try not to think about because it was such a hard time for me. It makes my stomach uneasy every time I think about it. But I thought I should share it with you in case you have children some day, and they get sick, you will stay calm and be hopeful.

You got very sick at 6 weeks old. It was a terrible experience for a small baby and for us as first time parents. 

 I remember it vividly. I, honestly, wish I didn't remember it as much. I was heartbroken for my little Peanut Baby. I remember you were very quiet all day, which, at the time, wasn't like you. You usually cried when you needed something. But you looked sleepy all day long. I went grocery shopping with you and when I got home, I laid with you on the couch. I remember your eyes looked sad. Here is the picture I took of you a few hours before your fever hit. 

I felt your head and remembered thinking that you felt much warmer than usual. I took your temperature and it was high. About 101. I called your doctor to ask what I should do. Before I could even get off the phone, you were vomiting. The doctor said for us to take you to the Emergency Room since you were so young. 

We headed out right away. By this time, around 10 p.m, you were throwing up a lot and getting warmer. By the time we reached the hospital, you had a temp of 103 and were throwing up bile. The ER Dr said that after tests and x-rays, we were being sent to UMass. They didn't know if you might have a bacterial infection. They said when babies are so young, it can be dangerous. They aren't fully immunized. 

I cried. I cried the whole way to UMass. We rode in the ambulance and Daddy followed behind us. I prayed a lot that night. I prayed that God would make my tiny baby better. I had been scared before in life, but not like I was that night. That night, I felt true fear. Fear that only a mother could understand. 

When we got there, they did all kinds of tests on you. I was crying hysterically because I was so afraid for my little precious baby. Thankfully Daddy was there to keep me rational, as much as I could be. They couldn't get the iv in your small veins because you were dehydrated. You would look up at me as if you were saying, "Mommy, help me!" And I couldn't do a thing but hold you and stay by your side. I never left your side. Not for one moment. They didn't know what was wrong with you. Your fever kept spiking. They admitted us and finally got an iv in your foot, after trying for about 45 minutes. You started to get some fluids.

At about 4 am the next morning, they gave you some tylenol and you were resting. You couldn't eat so you were just drinking small sips of Pedialyte. I was exhausted and felt like I was going to pass out. I hadn't eaten or slept in over 24 hours but I couldn't sleep. I let Daddy sleep and I watched you. He needed to rest so that he could watch you later. You were so fragile and small. Your tiny body all rosy from the fever. I prayed that you would get better quickly. We spent 4 days in the hospital before they finally figured out it was just...a stomach bug. But there was no way of knowing if it was something minor like a bug or something bad that could harm you like a bacterial infection which, babies can die from. 

Thankfully God answered our prayers. I will never forget the morning that you woke up and smiled. It was a smile of relief to me. It was as if you were saying, "Mommy, I feel better." Nunna brought you a Piggy that you still like to play with. It was one of the scariest times in my life because I felt so helpless. Someday, if you have children and they get sick...sick like you did, remember to stay calm. Stay calm for your sick one. Pray. God is looking out for you just like he did that night when you were sick. He will do the same for your babies...Know that no matter how scary it may seem, it's all in God's hands. We got to bring you home on the fifth day. I always say that the hard times bring your closer. It is true. I always held you close to me but after facing a scary time, I held you longer, and appreciated you even more....if that is at all possible.

Scarlett, I love you more than words can say. I can't tell you enough....


Love Mommy