Dear Scarlett, I wanted to share this blog post that I wrote on my blog because it shows you how sometimes even Mama makes mistakes. But I want you to know as much as possible so that when you are older, you can understand things even easier and maybe when you have children of your own, you will be able to use these lessons that I've learned.
Scarlett's pretty over the moon with her new leggings from Lola Bean.
She asks to wear them pretty much...every day.
Leggings: Lola Bean / Shirt: H&M
She's been teaching me so much the last few months. Yes, my 2 year old is teaching me. I'm was actually sitting here in bed tonight thinking. My mind was spinning so much that I crept out of bed to jot down these thoughts. Everything about Scarlett is wonderful. Today, she called to me, "Mama, look!". I turned to see her holding up a card that I received at my bridal shower. It was colorful, filled with florals and a few birds.
"Look Mama, this beau-ti-ful!" She was right. Her little mind always reminds me of all the small things in this world. This simple card was filled with beauty. She sees things that I miss.
She reminds me.
She calls for me when I am at my busiest. Up to my neck with wedding details and important things. "One minute Scarlett." I call to her.
But one minute is all it takes for her to grow up. For her to change into the little person that she is becoming. Growing out of the heartfelt things that she says and the small gestures that she makes.
"Bless you Mama." When I sneeze.
The way she says, "I swimming." or "I tired." in her little voice, her tiny sentences forming together.
"A big hug?" she asks.
Watching her swaddle her dollies and change their diapers.
Watching her sing her abc's in the bathtub, lining all the letters up.
The way she wraps those arms around me.
I don't want to miss those moments! We have been trying to make more of a schedule around here lately. With everything going on with wedding plans, events and traveling back to Mass pretty much every weekend, it's easy to get distracted or lose track of time.
Every night, after she has a bath and brushes her teeth, we have been reading 2 books. The other night, I had a million things going on and I was deep in concentration. I heard Scarlett call for me but I just didn't want to lose my train of thought. "One minute Scarlett."
Before I knew it, it was 9 pm and Scarlett came to my leg and laid her head on me, "I sleepy Ma-ma." I didn't realize it was past her bedtime. I rubbed my eyes with frustration. I wasn't frustrated with her, I was frustrated with myself for not giving her any of my time. How was it the end of the day already?! Never enough time.
I told her to go get blankie and sleeping baby and I got her some milk. After prayers, kisses and big hugs, I closed her bedroom door and made my way back to the living room. I paused by our bedroom door. Out of the corner of my eye, something caught my attention. I walked to our bed and pulled the covers down. Two books lay there idle. One on Ty's pillow and one on my pillow.
I felt pretty small at that moment.
Instant teary eyes.
I was too busy to read her 2 simple books. Those two books are the highlight of her night.
I want all of her moments. All of those precious minutes that go by in the blink of an eye. I'm missing some of them with each time I say, "One minute Scarlett." And so she teaches me. I realize that I won't be able to come to her every beck and call for the rest of her life, but I want these moments now. I want her little-ness. Just another lesson in motherhood.
Everyone is so worried about career and money and success. When you die, what will that leave you? A good reputation and some money for your kids, maybe. But if you haven't experienced life, enjoyed it, then what good is it? I swear that having children makes you wiser. Time is so short. Sometimes I lay awake at night paralyzed by the fear that one day, everything I have will be gone. Or that it can be taken away in the blink of an eye. But then I remember that this world wasn't intended for us and there is much more to come for us. The only thing that comforts me is knowing that God will someday bring us home forever. FOREVER. Not sure I even understand the meaning of that. But I could get used to spending forever with Scarlett and Ty...
Time is a strange thing.
Sometimes it's against us and sometimes it helps us. But always passing. We need to remember to stop and take that time to love our little ones, love our significant others, and soak up all the wonderful things around us.
This moment...these moments.
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